


Why Kuroko Quit Teiko's Basketball Team

by Miss Arcadian (m_wyz)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Also I'm Not Actually Funny, Crack, Gen, Kuroko Is 1000 Percent Done With Everyone, author is sorry, sassy kuroko, very very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3967501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_wyz/pseuds/Miss%20Arcadian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And the real reason Akashi instituted the vow.</p>
<p>You might think you know why the Generation of Miracles decided to compete against each other in high school. You thought wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Kuroko Quit Teiko's Basketball Team

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

“You are all incredibly immature,” Kuroko announces. No one hears him.

“I’m the tallest,” is Murasakibara’s contribution, before he goes back to eating his second bag of potato chips, seeming to have lost interest in the topic.

“We’re all tall, so that doesn’t really matter,” Kise decides, unimpressed by the giant’s reasoning. (Kuroko’s irritated mutter of “actually, Kise-kun…” goes unnoticed.) However, Murasakibara, apparently not as tuned out of the conversation as he had appeared, rises from his seated position to tower over the blonde. The menacing glare from the tallest member of the Teikou basketball team makes the rest of members flinch. The message is more than clear: _say that again and I’ll crush you_.

Kise’s always been good at willful ignorance, though.

“Anyways, girls like me the most.”

“That’s because you practically _are_ a girl,” Aomine snorts disdainfully, ignoring Kise’s wail of protest. “Don’t lie. I’ve seen your bathroom. You have more skincare products than Satsuki.”

“Ki-chan has given me product recommendations in the past,” Satsuki says, agreeing. Kise pouts obnoxiously.

Midorima’s contribution comes with a characteristic nudge at his glasses. “I believe this matter would be best settled by an outside opinion. Momoi?”

“Please don’t.” Once again, it seems as though everyone has put Kuroko on mute, because nobody listens to him. Of course.

Satsuki’s face lights up as her gaze shifts to the quietest member of their group, before she averts her gaze embarrassedly. “Who...who do _I_ think...!” she evades the question shyly for an anticipatory moment. “Well, it has to be Tetsu-kun, of course!” she finally gushes, sparkling. She latches onto Kuroko’s arm with surprising strength, shamelessly taking advantage of the opportunity to feel Kuroko’s biceps (for her data, of course). Aomine groans loudly and saves Kuroko from the bone-crushing hug the pink-haired girl has subjected him to. Kuroko disgruntledly slinks away from their manager.

“Sa-chin is biased,” Murasakibara observes dully, saying what they’re all thinking. Midorima concurs with a discontented grunt.

“Well, I think the answer’s pretty obvious,” Aomine says, finally contributing something to the debate other than harassment. (“Here we go,” Kuroko mutters.)

“Well then, who is it?”

“Satsuki.”

“DAI-CHAN!”

“Heh, just kidding. It’s actually me, duh.”

“On what grounds are you basing this conclusion?” Midorima asks stiffly, looking upset at even considering the possibility.

“On the grounds that I’m the best at basketball,” Aomine responds, a look of smug arrogance adorning his face. Kuroko jabs him in the gut to get rid of the stupid expression, listening with satisfaction to the pained squawk of anger the ace player lets out.

“HAH?! Aominecchi, let’s go one-on-one! I’m going to beat you this time!”

“I’ll crush you, Mine-chin.”

“You always have been a fool, Aomine. I will show you how wrong you are.”

“Pfft, you’re all welcome to try,” Aomine invites, recovered from Kuroko’s painful dig.

There are a tense few moments of silence, where they all wonder if their argument will end there (Aomine rather smugly, because, obviously, he won), before Kise lights up once more in an irritatingly pretty manner and turns to Kuroko.

“Kurokocchi hasn’t told us his opinion, yet!” Kuroko levels a glare of annoyance at Kise, trying to set the model’s pretty head on fire through sheer willpower. Unfortunately, Kuroko’s most expressive facial expressions could still win him a game of international poker, and (see above) Kise has a tendency toward willful ignorance. The combination of these two facts means that the air-headed model is completely unaware of the phantom player’s venomous thoughts.

When Kuroko finally realizes that, yes, his teammates really are _that_ oblivious (more like deaf), he deigns to answer the blonde’s not-question.

“I think that you are all mentally five years old and that I am done with this team. Seriously, I quit.” And with that, Kuroko sweeps out of the room and out of their lives until their high school basketball careers reunite them.

In the stunned silence that follows, a preternaturally calm Akashi walks into the near-empty gym. Taking stock of the rare quiet, Akashi blinks once in surprise before seeming to come to an understanding of the situation.

“What argument has Tetsuya shut down this time?”

There’s a beat where everyone turns to face their captain before Aomine clears his throat and speaks up.

“Um. Who’s the most manly.”

Akashi stares unnervingly at them, drawing out a dramatic pause, before his lips quirk up in a small smile. “I see. Well. Did you ever wonder why we are all going to different schools next year…”

**Author's Note:**

> And so they actually agreed to compete against each other in high school to prove who the most manly member was. Kuroko quit the Teiko basketball team because literally everyone is super annoying. Aomine continued to be rude to everyone. The End.


End file.
